


Survive (Hiatus)

by orphan_account



Category: Zombieland (2009)
Genre: BAMF Columbus, BAMF Tallahassee, Badass is Contagious, Cinnamon Gum, Columbus Uses A Baseball Bat, Did you Seriously just punch a Zombie in the FACE?!, Drinking & Talking, Gun Violence, Guns, Injuries & Scars, M/M, Quit PMSing Witchita, Sassy Columbus, Setting Zombies on Fire, Sexual Content, Team Zombieland, Team as Family, Twinkies, Whiskey & Scotch, Witchita's Name is Krista, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombie Kill of the Week, Zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 01:15:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1491310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>It was like a universal law. You couldn't hang out with Tallahassee, and not become a bad-ass eventually.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Columbus hasn't seen Team Zombieland four three years, and a lot has changed. He's always known he liked Tallahassee in a different way than he liked the girls, but he hadn't quite figured it out before now. Can the team stay together? Will someone die by zombie? No one knows what's gonna happen. Time to nut up or shut up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Survive (Hiatus)

**~*~~*~~*~~*~**

Title: Survive

Rating: Mature, MA-16+, TA-16+

Themes: Zombies, Violence, Swearing, Slash, Romance

Summery: Shortly after Pacific Play Land, Team Zombieland split up. Three years later they find each other again. Three years is a long time in a regular world, but in Zombieland? Why it's practically a life time. Team Zombieland teams back up in the interest of survival, and along the way the bonds once broken are reformed, stronger and better than before.

**~*~~*~~*~~*~**

Prologue - The Great Twinkie Quest (also known as why the team split up)

It was inevitable really.

Anyone with half a brain, and that was quite a few people these days if Columbus was being honest with himself, could see that Tallahassee’s obsession with Twinkies was going to get them all into serious trouble one day. Say what you will about the man, but it truly was something that couldn't be avoided. You could not afford to have any weakness in Zombieland. Columbus had quite a few, he knew, but none as obsessive as Florida's need for Twinkies.

Three months had passed since the whole Pacific Play Land disaster, and tensions were already running high between Wichita and him, making for one very negatively charged atmosphere. The thing with Wichita never really panned out. It was just his luck that he'd decide to have a major life changing revelation about himself with a beautiful girl in his lap.

Of course, it was hardly Columbus’s fault. Not in his opinion anyways.

The night after Pacific Play Land, the team had found themselves a pretty nice hotel to sleep in, given the circumstances, and Tallahassee had the brilliant idea to stick Wichita in the same room as him. This would have been a great idea, except it turned out that Columbus didn't really want to do much more than brush her hair behind her ears, or kiss her. He knew what he was supposed to be doing. He wasn't a complete idiot, thank you very much. But he just wasn't interested in doing more to Wichita. Or any girl for that matter. In fact, all of his fantasies about girls involved taking them back home to meet the folks, because if he brought home a perfect girl, his parents would suddenly morph into the perfect family. His mother would wear pearls and hum catchy tunes under her breath as she cooked roast beef in the pristine kitchen, and his father would wear tasteful sweater-vests and dispense fatherly wisdom as he drank coffee, and they would be happy and proud for him. But that was not going to happen. Columbus's life was not a fifties sitcom, he hated roast beef, and he apparently wasn't even interested in sex with girls.

And there in was his problem. Wichita had crawled invitingly into his bed, making a very lovely sight he was sure no one could have resisted, and Columbus had to ruin the moment by telling her some stupid lie that she could see strait through. She was understandably pissed at him for leading her on, and he was chased back to his room with half his clothing still strewn across the other room. If it hadn't been for the shaky friendship of Tallahassee and Little Rock, Wichita would have probably robbed them blind and taken off that night. Instead she became unnecessarily hostile at him. And it only got worse as each day passed.

Three months had unfortunately not cooled down her hostility towards him, and neither Tallahassee nor Little Rock was really keen on asking what had happened to make her hate him so much, when only a day before her sudden attitude change she had been trying to jump his bones. Little Rock and Tallahassee had made it their personal mission in life to restore the broken bonds, and each trip was more laughable than the last. Wichita still wouldn't move an inch. It probably didn't help that no one would call her Krista as she'd been asking since she told them what her real name was. It didn't suit her.

It was Tallahassee’s brilliant idea, a last ditch effort to rekindle the family-like kinship they’d had before the girls finally decided they’d had enough, and they all should have known it would be a bad idea. It was supposed to be a simple Twinkie run. In and out of a Hostess Factory they’d happened upon by pure chance. It seemed to be working at first, as they all stood in front of the factory ruins, but it didn't last long.

Unfortunately, not only was there a surprising lack of spongy cream filled logs, but it ended up getting uglier than Pacific Play Land. Sometime during the battle the girls had gotten separated, and Ohio ended up fighting side by side with Tallahassee. Without his trusted double barrel, since he'd stupidly left the gun at Pacific Play Land instead of getting more bullets like a smart person, Columbus was even more useless than ever. He was more of a liability than an asset, but Florida was crazy enough that taking out hoards of zombies, with only the help of a wimp with a gun, was no issue to him.

After somehow managing to survive the horrific battle with a surprising lack of injury, given the circumstances, they all started tearing into each others throats. Wichita, of course, blamed everything on Tallahassee and his stupid Twinkies, and of course, Columbus instantly jumped to Florida’s defense. In the ensuing fight, he may have called her a few not so friendly words that had them all looking at him as if he’d spontaneously started throwing up rainbow zombies, and then Wichita had punched him and ran off with little Rock.

Tallahassee and Ohio were left stranded with nothing but a few bottles of water and some canned peaches. The girls even stole the few changes of clothing the two possessed. The lack of twinkies, on top of the girls running off with all of their weapons and supplies, made for one very angry Tallahassee. Two days of aimless walking with a pissed off Tallahassee was not a good idea.

Unfortunately for Columbus, the moment they reached the town, Tallahassee left him and told him that he was on his own. Despite the rather pathetic attempts he made to get the blonde to change his mind, he was forced to watch as Tallahassee found a decent car with some weapons, and he was unable to do anything as the man headed back west, in the opposite direction of the girls. Columbus was left to find his own car and hit the road alone.

So yeah, It had been inevitable.

The idea that one day they would drop him like a piece of three week old molded pizza was not a new one. He’d thought about the chances of them all leaving before, but even so he was not prepared for it. There was only one thing he could do in the end. Something Florida had repeated many, many times when he was acting like a wimp.

Time to nut up or shut up.

And so Columbus Ohio did the only thing he could do. He grabbed a car, grabbed some guns, and headed as far North as he could, hoping that he would survive on his own, and that one day they would all meet up again.


End file.
